Tips to Survive a Jiangshi Attack

You’re walking the streets of Chinatown (or maybe even China itself) when suddenly you hear a strangely bouncy set of steps coming your way. You look around at the dark, empty street for a moment before laying eyes on a shadowy figure coming your way.

Though not as violent or aggressive as they’re depicted in the stories and folklore, you’ve somehow managed to cross a Jiangshi. Perhaps you’ve insulted their honor, risked their family business or have crossed a member of the Jiangshi Tong. Maybe they just didn’t want any trouble while protecting a baby.

Whatever the cause, you’d be understandably overwhelmed with the prospect of getting out of this situation without a great deal of medical attention and a possible stay in the ICU. For as many times as the famous figures of the race have been hospitalized, you have to wonder what happened to the other guys. After all, if someone made them bleed then they must have been highly skilled fighters. How the hell are you supposed escape?

Surviving a Jiangshi Attack

The first and most important thing to remember about the Jiangshi is that, despite their rabid reputation, they honestly want no trouble. The majority of time that you come in conflict with a Jiangshi, they’re either professional hitmen or you’ve upset someone or something important to them. Thus, the first step to avoiding conflict with the Jiangshi is:

Give Them No Trouble

This should be one of the easiest methods of avoiding conflict with the Jiangshi. The typical Jiangshi, like any Chinese immigrant, just wants to be allowed to make their way in life unimpeded. Do not threaten their family, their livelihood or their culture and you should be doing just fine. This is especially true of Jiangshi who have left China for a better life elsewhere, as they are likely making an extra effort to acclimate and will not appreciate your attempts to give them problems.

That’s not a knife, that’s a mistake.

One great mistake made by many is an attempt to hire a third party to deal with the Jiangshi as a matter of “protection”. This is actually not advised because it is specifically giving them more trouble and that will only further aggravate the bouncing nightmare that has come your way. Besides, all indications show that trying to hire protection from a Jiangshi comes with mixed results as even Chuck Norris has demonstrated problems with effectively stopping one.

This is also true of Jiangshi relatives from outside of China. While the Alter breed is most common among the Chinese, the strain has been found in countries adjacent to China and demonstrate similar behaviors with a few cultural alterations. For instance, a Jiangshi of Thailand will become fairly cross with you if you have taken their elephant.

Where as the Jiangshi of Japan may take exception with your Neo-Nazi Lucha Libre army attempting to create monsters for world domination.

Also take note that you would not want to be kicked by any of them.

Be Mindful of the Furniture

One of the classical myths of warding off Jiangshi is to confront them with fine-crafted wood furnishings. Certain woods are supposed to have magical powers that have an impact on them. Legend has it that the wood of a peach tree will ward away the Jiangshi due to their wicked spirits not being able to deal with the Peach, which according to Chinese mythology is the embodiment of the five elements. However, this is actually due to a minor plant allergy for many varieties of woods and flowers.

This means that the use of the correct wood may actually make the Jiangshi unlikely to attack you if they have become irritated with you. Because of this, you may find that it’s a good way to guard against potential hospital visits or death. However, you will find that the incorrect surroundings may have the exact opposite effect as they begin to use it to defend themselves.

Resulting in a whirlwind of pain as they demonstrate that the incorrect wood has absolutely no ill effect on them. In fact, it may just make them angry.

And for the love of god, avoid bamboo, that’s just giving them a flexible stick to hit you with.

Go For The Eyes!

Of all of the potential weaknesses, the one most likely to help you is to use their two most common defects: light sensitivity and dislike of their own reflection.

Light sensitivity only has minor effects on the Jiangshi. Though in the old times it was one of the hardest traits to overcome, since the advent of sunglasses the problem has become somewhat moot. A Jiangshi without protection can become disoriented or ill when exposed to too much light and can be overwhelmed with floodlights, direct sunlight or flash bulbs on cameras. However, this will only be effective temporarily and only long enough for you to run as quickly as possible.

Especially if they’re looking at you like this.

As to where you should run, the other most effective means of defense against a Jiangshi is the utilization of mirrors. Jiangshi have a disliking of their own reflection, a psychological issue common among many Alter breeds that will cause them to turn away or recoil in fear at their own face. Though the root of this is up for debate by modern researchers, it is commonly understood to be purely psychological and something that can be grown beyond with therapy.

“When will my reflection show who I am inside?”
As a result of this, it should be noted that this phobia can only be used provided you have not offended the Jiangshi enough to convince them to push beyond that fear. Because if you have angered them enough…

You may as well just buy a gun… or a cannon.

(For more information on Jiangshi, watch Kung Fu movies! Otherwise, for more about Alters in general, read my books, they’re wonderful too.)

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