{"id":493,"date":"2014-02-26T23:05:00","date_gmt":"2014-02-26T23:05:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jeremyvarner.com\/blog\/2014\/02\/wtf-wednesdays-another-book-deal-for-the-kardashian-klan\/"},"modified":"2021-06-17T05:14:35","modified_gmt":"2021-06-17T12:14:35","slug":"wtf-wednesdays-another-book-deal-for-the-kardashians","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/jeremyvarner.com\/blog\/2014\/02\/wtf-wednesdays-another-book-deal-for-the-kardashians\/","title":{"rendered":"WTF Wednesdays: Another Book Deal For The Kardashians?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Haha, the news media is talking about there being a new novel<\/a> from the “Keeping Up With The Kardashian<\/i>s” brood. Stupid media, they did that years ago, polishing up their lives with \u201cinteresting\u201d bits and releasing it as a novel called Dollhouse. Yet you guys are acting like it just happened. We all know the Kardashians haven\u2019t gone back to reading and writing since disagreeing with the dietary advice they got from “Green Eggs And Ham<\/i>“. Man you guys are slo-<\/p>\n

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Oh crap, there’s more of them?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

Who the hell is that? Jenner? What the hell is a Jenner?! And what do you mean they have a publishing deal for a book that releases next year? They look like they\u2019re still in high-school!<\/p>\n

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Apparently, if you\u2019re in that bloodline it doesn\u2019t matter if your manuscript is written in crayon. Though it wouldn\u2019t be the first time a member of the family managed to make a lot of money with only a 9th<\/sup>grade reading level.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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So WTF is up with\u2026<\/div>\n

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Celebrity Book Deals?<\/h2>\n
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Anyone who has known me for any period of time knows that I loathe celebrity book deals. It\u2019s not that I\u2019m jealous (though who wouldn\u2019t be jealous of a 6 to 7 figure book deal in today\u2019s climate?) but rather because I think they are damaging the cause of literacy and good taste.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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For any industry there\u2019s this thing called a barrier of entry. It\u2019s this wall that prevents just anyone from being able to do the thing the industry does. This wall has to be scaled through talent, training and sheer determination. You cannot be a surgeon without going to medical school, a mechanic without understanding the inner workings of a car, or a runway model without understanding how to turn left.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Which is why the Jenner girls use the buddy system.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

But in the case of celebrity publishing deals, none of these ever apply. The fact their name sells the book means the book itself doesn\u2019t have to be good, original or even readable. And while most legitimate authors have to come out with something astonishing to be able to see even 5 figures on their advance check, celebrities tend to fall into one of three categories because they have no reason to strive for anything else: ghostwritten fluff pieces, memoirs or underdeveloped pieces of crap.<\/p>\n

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Though, the older Kardashian sisters decided to go for the hat-trick and went with doing all three.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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The problem I have with celebrity ghostwriters is that some poor writer is doing all the work but the celebrity that slapped their name on the thing is getting the bulk of the profits. Picture you\u2019ve written a best seller that happened to make several million dollars and you were paid roughly the amount that you would have made just working a desk job that entire time.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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“At least I still have my dignity”<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

Now, for the writer that sounds like a pretty good deal (I became tempted to try ghostwriting while just describing it), but it sounds like an even better deal for the asshole who gets to put their name on it. Realize this: a celebrity may make millions of dollars for literally doing nothing<\/i><\/b>. And do you really think the poor soul that wrote Dollhouse got into writing for the sake of describing a Kardashian expy having sex with their stepbrother<\/a>? Oh hell no<\/b><\/i><\/span>.<\/p>\n

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Though maybe I\u2019m looking at this wrong. We never did find out if the novel was ghostwritten by someone outside of the family. I\u2019ve heard in the reviews that it tends to read like the romanticized version of a trashy romance novel combined with the lives of the Kardashian sisters. Maybe the older sisters saw their 14 and 12 year old younger sisters and said, \u201coh, hey, we don’t care if it reads like the work of pre-teen girls, so you should write it!\u201d<\/div>\n
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But that would be overly optimistic because it would mean that someone in the family actually created something<\/i><\/b> in their lives. Frankly, that\u2019s not something they\u2019ve had to do since Kim literally sucked them out of semi-obscurity while her mother acted as her pimp.They haven’t had to do anything of interest in years except market themselves and pretending to be interesting.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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And, of course, trying to look interesting brings us to memoirs. These self-congratulatory, often censored and rarely interesting works basically sell the idea that the lives of someone you\u2019ve heard of are more interesting than your own. The grave truth is that if any of the things the reality stars have ever done was really interesting they wouldn\u2019t need to stage shit happening on their so-called \u201creality\u201d shows. The same goes for any of the shallow and vapid celebrity personalities who don\u2019t actually do anything to earn their fame.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Even the Count has done more to better society and he’s a piece of felt.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
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But that leaves us with badly written pieces of crap. Now maybe I\u2019m being unfairly harsh to the Jenner sisters due to the ridiculous K names that reflect the mental instability of their mother. However, I\u2019m not exactly hopeful when I see that a pair of girls who haven\u2019t even had time to learn basic Science<\/b><\/i><\/span> are trying to write Science Fiction<\/b><\/i><\/span>. Oh, right, I forgot to mention that part: they\u2019re writing a DYSTOPIAN science fiction novel<\/i><\/b>. Which is pretty apt because I know I feel like I live in a world without hope whenever I consider a member of that family having a best-seller in Science Fiction.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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As described on the Amazon page for their book, this is “Rebels: City of Indra”<\/i>:<\/p>\n

\u201cKendall and Kylie Jenner, stars on the hit reality show Keeping Up with the Kardashians<\/i>, present their debut novel\u2014a thrilling dystopian story about two super-powered girls who embark on a journey together, not knowing they\u2019re twins. <\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

Two cities\u2026 Two girls\u2026 A shared destiny\u2026<\/i><\/p>\n

In a world of the far future, the great city of Indra has two faces: a beautiful paradise floating high in the sky, and a nightmare world of poverty carved into tunnels beneath the surface of the earth. Kendall and Kylie Jenner, the youngest sisters in the Kardashian dynasty, have written a gripping tale of air, fire, and a bond of blood\u201d<\/p>\n

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You\u2019ll notice that their story is sandwiched between two name drops to point out that they\u2019re famous and thus you should give a shit. But in the middle where the \u201cmeat\u201d is you\u2019ll see that it\u2019s essentially the plot of a Final Fantasy game. Hell, it\u2019s actually pretty damn similar to the plot of the Final Fantasy game based around the director\u2019s uncomfortable obsession with his digital love interest and her<\/b><\/i> sister.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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And most of what they do involves modeling too<\/a>!<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
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Still, maybe I\u2019m misreading it and these girls really want to be writers on their own merits. So I take a look down at their \u201cabout the author\u201d section on the same page and got:<\/p>\n

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About the Author<\/span><\/h4>\n

Kendall Jenner is the younger sister of Kourtney, Khloe, and Kim Kardashian. Following in her sisters\u2019 footsteps, Kendall is an aspiring model who has appeared in the Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week and Teen Vogue<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Kylie Jenner is the youngest sister of Kourtney, Khloe, and Kim Kardashian. Kylie is pursuing a modeling career and has appeared in Teen Vogue<\/i> and Paper Magazine<\/i>, along with her sister, Kendall.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

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Huh, nope. I guess the only reason they\u2019ve gone into writing is because Kylie is 16 so their original plan for a sister project won\u2019t pan out for two more years. And I\u2019m sure someone out there thinks that I\u2019m being misogynistic for hating on their success but nothing being done here is good for women, books or the human race. These girls got a publishing deal because they\u2019re pretty and their names start with a K like almost everyone else unfortunately named by this family.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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That’s the look of a child that realizes her name could have been “Knorth”<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n
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But, in the end, I apologize to Kendall and Kylie. They’re young and they’re just trying to do their own thing. It’s not their fault the publishing industry has devolved into an undisciplined cash grab relying more on name recognition than common sense. Maybe they’ve even put some real, legitimate, honest effort into the work so they can try to prove to the world that they’re more than just their looks and their family. I respect anyone who puts themselves out there in an honest<\/b><\/i><\/span> attempt to add to the culture.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Their age, on top of their celebrity, is a problem for me because I know that it means they aren’t really ready to enter the domain they’ve stepped into and no one has told them that. Studies have shown 10,000 hours of practice is required for anyone to become good at something they do. Maybe they have put in 10,000 hours and they aren’t trying to cash in on their family and their appearance. Maybe this entire deal is legitimate and they have a sincere interest in joining the literary world. I just have a really hard time believing that they could come to that conclusion when these are their role models.<\/p>\n

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