One of my favorite songs, for reasons I can rarely understand, is “Be Human”. It’s a little tune from the soundtrack of Ghost in the Shell that often drifts to mind whenever I find myself worrying too much about whatever may be. I guess it’s strange that, from time to time, I relate better to the mechanical people that the song represents. But one section of the song, more than any other, sticks with me almost constantly.
I analyze and I verify and I quantify enough
100 percentile no errors no miss
I synchronize and I specialize and I classify so much
Don’t worry ’bout dreaming because I don’t sleep —
It’s the part that always springs to my mind first, which is good, because it’s the first part of the song. But I’ve always felt it represents me and my near lifelong battle with insomnia. Sometimes I wish I could shut it off, just, turn it off and make it stop. I try to sleep and I end up face down in a pillow for over an hour while worrying about things that shouldn’t be a problem. I know everyone has problems sleeping when they worry, but not as many people keep the hours I do…
I can’t help it, I just can’t sleep.