5 Tips For Driving In The Modern Day

You live to drive. In fact, you have a desperate need to drive. Some even say that if you stop driving that someone is going to immediately die.

But with the number of vehicles on the road growing everyday and the population continually on the rise it’s only a matter of time before you get pushed into a situation where your knowledge of driving etiquette will be tested. Though the driver’s test will fill you in on quite a bit of it, a lot of videos (especially out of Russia) have told us that people in general ignore the material covered in the test almost immediately after leaving the building. This leaves most people having learned the rules of the road via media, leaving them with choices such as Fast and the Furious:

Or The Great Race:

Clearly, neither of these are accurate source material for the road. And, on the chance you may think they are, it’s probably a good idea for us to brush up.

Learn your hand signals

Though the lights on your car are good ways to communicate your intentions to the rest of the driving community, sometimes you will find yourself in a situation where those just aren’t enough. Gridlock, heavy traffic, situations where no one can see your lights: these are but a few of the many ways you’ll find that signaling just isn’t going to get the job done. For many, this boils down to enraged screaming out their window for a fellow motorist asshole to move their fucking car before they have a tire-iron shoved up their nethers. But that’s not your way, is it?

“…”

So the important thing is to learn to use hand signals, gestures which are immediately recognizable to any other motorist, in the case that you may need to supplement the available resources granted to you by the lights of your car. It is also important to learn this form of communication because it may be used by other motorists to communicate themselves to you during special circumstances. As such, it would behoove you to learn such signals as:

“I am currently distracted and you may wish to act with caution.”

“Please take note of the changing of the light ahead of you – it is a most pressing matter.”

“I believe you have made an error in your driving which has grievously offended me.”

“Good sir, you have impeded my driving progress on this day and have exacerbated a situation which is beyond both of our control at this hour. As such, I believe we need to stop on the side of the road for a moment to exchange information post-haste.”

“I have had an unpleasant day and the current gas prices are unacceptable.”

The speed limit is not a suggestion

From time to time there will be signs that happen to appear at the side of the road. These are color coded, marked with wording and images depicting easily recognizable things. For many people these things are easily understood.

However, knowing that you’re not entirely in touch with civilization when you’re behind the wheel, some of them may confuse you as you see them go streaking by like a Doppler effect in the rear view mirror. Among these are the strange ones that happen to have the numbers prominently displayed.

This is what we call a “speed limit” and you should be aware that it is meant to tell you how fast the maximum driving speed is on that road. Though it may be confusing at first, understand that this is neither the minimum speed requirement nor a polite suggestion for motorists to consider. In fact, you will find that many regions of the world would like you to avoid burying the needle of the speedometer into a place so far beyond natural law that no light may escape from it. And, if you happen to ignore this, you will find that it draws unwanted attention rather quickly.

The cars with the fancy lights aren’t racing you

When you happen to ignore the numbers, you will eventually see a set of flashing lights behind you accompanied by the familiar wail of your old friend the banshee. You’ll be disappointed to see that she’s not the one in your rear view mirror. Rather, a person driving a black and white car will be driving as fast, if not faster, down the same stretch of road.

This is not a race.

Though your every instinct will tell you that it is time to press the pedal to the floor as if your foot were made of a block of solid lead, you will find that the people in the car behind you do not appreciate this in the same fashion you do. Though we are all aware you fear not bullets, fire or any metal which is not printed as money, you will find that their first intention will be to harm your most prized possession in an effort to stop you.

Certainly, you think, this means that you just have to drive faster to protect your precious. After all, no mere mortal may catch you on the black-topped road. However, you will find that the people in those cars will have friends that they can mysteriously communicate with across vast distances, eventually trapping you.

And while we’re at it…

No one is racing you

Once again, it’s understandable that this may be a problem for you. The car seems to be literally screaming to you that it wants to go faster. The other cars may be going faster, some of them probably even ignoring those numbers on the side of the road. But when you feel that urge to join in, you need to remember one important thing: They are also not racing you.

In fact, the general rule of thumb is that you’re not in a race unless your cars are either strapped with what are essentially jet engines…

…or you’re on a road that loops in on itself endlessly.

Wait, scratch that.

There’s no shame in public transit

Let’s face it, you’ve probably already broken a lot of these simple guidelines. In fact, it’s very likely you’ve had the car impounded seeing as most countries require you have a driver’s license to drive one and it’s well documented that no one has ever seen your face uncovered so you couldn’t possibly have any form of picture ID.

But you need to keep moving, you have to keep moving. This is an instinct of yours that is overwhelming to the point that it’s very likely the myth about people dying if you stop had something to do with your sudden uncontrollable road(less) rage. So in this circumstance, there are alternatives.

There’s no shame in the public transportation system in the modern day. Though it may not be as direct as most forms of transport, you can still move very fast along specific routes. In some places, this speed may even surpass what you can legally achieve by way of personal vehicles.