Checklist: 5 Signs A Celebrity Is Using Witchcraft

Long ago during a dark time there was a movement to flush out and destroy all witches and warlocks among the population. But as time has passed and civilization has changed we’ve come to a point where witches and warlocks may not only be accepted but even made famous. Hell, even Charlie Sheen claimed to be a Warlock when his career was at risk.

However, with the simultaneous claims of having tiger-blood, it’s also likely he may be a were-beast and thus it’s hard to know for sure what type of metamorph the man may be. So how do you know for a fact when a celebrity is using witchcraft? Let’s take a look.

1. Aging

Aging is something that effects all of us. However, Alters, often, age much slower than the people around them. With witches and warlocks, this aging is often slowed or reversed in the times when they are actively using their abilities. The more often they use these abilities, the more likely it is that they will stop aging or reverse aging to the point of appearing as young, sometimes even younger, than they did during their peak.

Those in the public eye may take great care to avoid slowing the aging process too much, or will, upon discovery, attempt to blame it on plastic surgery. This makes t difficult to judge on its own merits, but several candidates known to show such properties are:

Tom Cruise
Elijah Wood
Jennifer Aniston
Halle Berry
And Sean Connery (suspected Warlock and possible Dragon)

2.       Defying Expectations

There are many times when a person in the public eye suddenly demonstrates a talent that no one thought they should have had. These people are usually the people who seem to be as ill-fit for a role or show as possible but still manage to succeed in this act.

While this seems to be an unusually gifted person, in fact they may be using witchcraft to grant themselves new skills or make others believe they’re talented in something they’re actually not. From the outside it is very hard to tell which of these instances it may be. But people who have clearly done this are:

Former Child Star Anna Paquin maintaining a career into adulthood
Charlie Sheen’s career continuing
Hugh Jackman being in a musical
Tom Cruise being a 5’7″ action star
Will Smith being a respectable actor

3.       Unusual Recognition

Once they’ve begun to show signs of extra talents, it is also not unusual for those using witchcraft to begin having unusual recognition. These people will be more than just “celebrities” they will become “stars” who have begun to achieve A list or blockbuster status. This may also result in unusual recognition in much the same fashion as unusual talents.  Examples include:

Sean Connery being “Sexiest Man Alive” at the Age of 59
and “Sexiest Man of the Century” at 69
Tom Cruise being awarded the Golden Bambi for “Courage”
by Germany for making Valkyrie
Sandra Bullock winning an Oscar and Razzie in the same week
Stephen Colbert winning a Peabody Award
Dennis Rodman being the unofficial ambassador to North Korea

4.       Joining A Coven

While Witches and Warlocks do not necessarily require the help of others in the modern day, a support group that can share in their experiences are usually beneficial to those who may otherwise feel a fear of persecution from the outside world. Given a period of time in the public eye, it is not uncommon that these people will begin to move towards movements that they can find kindred spirits in. Because of this, those who may use witchcraft will join strange groups or orders for the sake of finding those who share in their beliefs, if not in their unnatural abilities:

Jay-Z being part of a Satanic Sex Cult
Madonna being a Kabbalist
Tom Cruise in the Church of Scientology
George Harrison and Hare Krishna
Alyssa Milano wearing a Lettuce Dress for PETA

5.       Bizarre Public Behavior

When under constant public scrutiny and the strains of balancing their use of their abilities against the desire to remain undetected, it is an unfortunate consequence that at times these people may appear eccentric or even like they have suffered some sort of public meltdown like:

Charlie Sheen
Mel Gibson
Michael Jackson
Tom Cruise
Lindsay Lohan

Conclusion

Though Charlie Sheen may have some of the traits of being a Warlock, signs point to the idea that he may not be that particular breed of Alter. Given the nature of his behavior and the wild moodswings there-in, it seems more likely that the man is a were-tiger that tried to cover his beastly nature with a slightly more acceptable breed.

However, when looking at the checklist and taking note of the people who have all of these traits, it becomes easier to recognize those who may be using witchcraft to manipulate their careers and the people around them. If looking for an example to use as a comparison, just take note of the examples we have placed here today and who met every criteria. Despite all belief that the secret he was hiding had something to do with his sexuality, the truth is Tom Cruise is a Warlock.

Just be glad it’s him not you.

(And if you found this information helpful in identifying the witches and warlocks around us, please support the cause of this and other fine Alter related articles by buying Shards of Glass or A Patchwork Soul, now available at all major online book retailers)

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4 thoughts on “Checklist: 5 Signs A Celebrity Is Using Witchcraft”

  1. You have no idea what a real witch is! This is utterly insulting! At least study your topic before spewing this kind of crap!

    1. You may want to go look at the rest of the blog and realize this is satire based on a series of novels delivered tongue-in-cheek. For someone who wants me to do research, you didn’t do much yourself.

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