Apparently, if you’re in that bloodline it doesn’t matter if your manuscript is written in crayon. Though it wouldn’t be the first time a member of the family managed to make a lot of money with only a 9^thgrade reading level.

So WTF is up with…

Anyone who has known me for any period of time knows that I loathe celebrity book deals. It’s not that I’m jealous (though who wouldn’t be jealous of a 6 to 7 figure book deal in today’s climate?) but rather because I think they are damaging the cause of literacy and good taste.

For any industry there’s this thing called a barrier of entry. It’s this wall that prevents just anyone from being able to do the thing the industry does. This wall has to be scaled through talent, training and sheer determination. You cannot be a surgeon without going to medical school, a mechanic without understanding the inner workings of a car, or a runway model without understanding how to turn left.

Though, the older Kardashian sisters decided to go for the hat-trick and went with doing all three.

The problem I have with celebrity ghostwriters is that some poor writer is doing all the work but the celebrity that slapped their name on the thing is getting the bulk of the profits. Picture you’ve written a best seller that happened to make several million dollars and you were paid roughly the amount that you would have made just working a desk job that entire time.

Though maybe I’m looking at this wrong. We never did find out if the novel was ghostwritten by someone outside of the family. I’ve heard in the reviews that it tends to read like the romanticized version of a trashy romance novel combined with the lives of the Kardashian sisters. Maybe the older sisters saw their 14 and 12 year old younger sisters and said, “oh, hey, we don’t care if it reads like the work of pre-teen girls, so you should write it!”

But that would be overly optimistic because it would mean that someone in the family actually created something in their lives. Frankly, that’s not something they’ve had to do since Kim literally sucked them out of semi-obscurity while her mother acted as her pimp.They haven’t had to do anything of interest in years except market themselves and pretending to be interesting.

And, of course, trying to look interesting brings us to memoirs. These self-congratulatory, often censored and rarely interesting works basically sell the idea that the lives of someone you’ve heard of are more interesting than your own. The grave truth is that if any of the things the reality stars have ever done was really interesting they wouldn’t need to stage shit happening on their so-called “reality” shows. The same goes for any of the shallow and vapid celebrity personalities who don’t actually do anything to earn their fame.

But that leaves us with badly written pieces of crap. Now maybe I’m being unfairly harsh to the Jenner sisters due to the ridiculous K names that reflect the mental instability of their mother. However, I’m not exactly hopeful when I see that a pair of girls who haven’t even had time to learn basic Science are trying to write Science Fiction. Oh, right, I forgot to mention that part: they’re writing a DYSTOPIAN science fiction novel. Which is pretty apt because I know I feel like I live in a world without hope whenever I consider a member of that family having a best-seller in Science Fiction.

As described on the Amazon page for their book, this is “Rebels: City of Indra”:

“Kendall and Kylie Jenner, stars on the hit reality show Keeping Up with the Kardashians, present their debut novel—a thrilling dystopian story about two super-powered girls who embark on a journey together, not knowing they’re twins. 

You’ll notice that their story is sandwiched between two name drops to point out that they’re famous and thus you should give a shit. But in the middle where the “meat” is you’ll see that it’s essentially the plot of a Final Fantasy game. Hell, it’s actually pretty damn similar to the plot of the Final Fantasy game based around the director’s uncomfortable obsession with his digital love interest and her sister.

Still, maybe I’m misreading it and these girls really want to be writers on their own merits. So I take a look down at their “about the author” section on the same page and got:

About the Author

Kendall Jenner is the younger sister of Kourtney, Khloe, and Kim Kardashian. Following in her sisters’ footsteps, Kendall is an aspiring model who has appeared in the Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week and Teen Vogue.

Kylie Jenner is the youngest sister of Kourtney, Khloe, and Kim Kardashian. Kylie is pursuing a modeling career and has appeared in Teen Vogue and Paper Magazine, along with her sister, Kendall.

Huh, nope. I guess the only reason they’ve gone into writing is because Kylie is 16 so their original plan for a sister project won’t pan out for two more years. And I’m sure someone out there thinks that I’m being misogynistic for hating on their success but nothing being done here is good for women, books or the human race. These girls got a publishing deal because they’re pretty and their names start with a K like almost everyone else unfortunately named by this family.

But, in the end, I apologize to Kendall and Kylie. They’re young and they’re just trying to do their own thing. It’s not their fault the publishing industry has devolved into an undisciplined cash grab relying more on name recognition than common sense. Maybe they’ve even put some real, legitimate, honest effort into the work so they can try to prove to the world that they’re more than just their looks and their family. I respect anyone who puts themselves out there in an honest attempt to add to the culture.

Because, seriously, what the fuck?