Category Archives: FICTION

Agent of Argyre, Alterpedia, Alterpedia Historia, FICTION

Alterpedia Historia – The Age of Exploration

(I hate that I have to say this, but this is a fictional account of the history of a fictional world. I do not believe these things, nor should you, as I am making them up. If I receive any comments that I did not do my research into these events, you will be mocked.)

In the Agent of Argyre series of books, there is an organization called the Alter Control Task Force. Though ostensibly an organization for policing activities of the Alter race, an attempt to prevent an eventual race war, they are actually representatives of a city-state on the ocean: The Republic of Argyre.

The Republic of Argyre, an artificial island anchored to an oceanic ridge in the pacific, is a city-state established by Alters for the sake of harboring their kind and establishing a relationship with the mainstream human population. Despite being an artificial island and attached to no primary landmass, the city’s structure is capable of potentially supporting all 12 to 15 million active Alters on the planet.

How did a race of people who’ve lived in hiding for centuries manage to construct such a city? Why would they build their city in the middle of the ocean? Where did they get the resources for such a task? In the Alterpedia Historia, we will answer these questions and discover the history of the Alters. Today we address…

Continue reading Alterpedia Historia – The Age of Exploration →

Agent of Argyre, Satire

Luxury Items For A Giant

Being a giant can be a rough, lonely experience. In a world simply not built for you, some things just have to be accepted. You’ll always have to purchase two seats on an airplane. No bicycle is meant to withstand your weight. Doorways will forever require you to duck before you can enter any room. There are ways around this, but for the most part you’re just going to have to get a lot of custom work done.

But that’s fine, in the modern world getting something custom made can be as easy as finding the right people to do something for you. If you have the will and the money, someone will have the way. But it’s not enough to simply run to Etsy, you’re going to want to get the best. More than anyone, you know that things in this world are not made to last, so how about things meant for someone like you?

Strange enough, they exist! Continue reading Luxury Items For A Giant →

Agent of Argyre, Alterpedia, FICTION, Miscellaneous

Alterpedia – Giants

In the Alters’ World (and the series of books found here), creatures of legend reveal themselves to the world. Born through genetic abnormalities, defects and mutations, the Alters have lived for centuries as outcasts of human society, hiding their true nature from the world while colorful stories have been written by many to describe what they’ve seen. How are these creatures different from what was described in the stories? What relationship do they have with humanity? Every entry of the Alterpedia will delve into a new creature from around the world. This week we cover:

Giants

Jotuns_Giants

Powerful figures found in mythologies all across the world, Giants leave a towering impression on all cultures. Though coming in many shapes and varieties, they only come in one size – huge. Sometimes seen as another race of man, or the children of gods, perhaps even the residents of a neighboring world elsewhere in our cosmos, these immense creatures come in contact with humans rarely but do so with dramatic results. Throughout history their encounters with our heroes of legend have been immortalized as the ultimate underdog stories – the literal origins of David and Goliath.

david-versus-goliath

And we’ve seen huge individuals among us, towering figures who easily dwarf everyone around them. From Andre the Giant to Shaquille O’Neal, we know there are huge people among us. But are those the giants of lore? Or is there someone bigger? And if there is someone bigger… how big do they get?

Continue reading Alterpedia – Giants →

Agent of Argyre, Alterpedia, Alterpedia Historia, FICTION

Alterpedia Historia – Schisms

(I hate that I have to say this, but this is a fictional account of the history of a fictional world. I do not believe these things, nor should you, as I am making them up. If I receive any comments that I did not do my research into these events, you will be mocked.)

In the Agent of Argyre series of books, there is an organization called the Alter Control Task Force. Though ostensibly an organization for policing activities of the Alter race, an attempt to prevent an eventual race war, they are actually representatives of a city-state on the ocean: The Republic of Argyre.

The Republic of Argyre, an artificial island anchored to an oceanic ridge in the pacific, is a city-state established by Alters for the sake of harboring their kind and establishing a relationship with the mainstream human population. Despite being an artificial island and attached to no primary landmass, the city’s structure is capable of potentially supporting all 12 to 15 million active Alters on the planet.

How did a race of people who’ve lived in hiding for centuries manage to construct such a city? Why would they build their city in the middle of the ocean? Where did they get the resources for such a task? In the Alterpedia Historia, we will answer these questions and discover the history of the Alters. Today we address…

Continue reading Alterpedia Historia – Schisms →

Agent of Argyre, FICTION, Satire

Proper Golem Skincare

Golems, nature’s most huggable landslides. Often upstanding members of the community, these gentle rock hard giants give new meaning to the description “cut like granite”. But with their stony exterior comes a severe problem. As the summer sun comes around and it’s time for everyone to show off their beach body, you’re left wondering if you can really be presentable. Dry, scaly skin is one thing, but skin with the same texture as the beach you’re standing on just might be too much.

sandy skin

After all, in today’s climate you just can’t risk looking natural. In the age of spray-on tans, wrinkle creams directed at 20 somethings, and cosmetic procedures designed to make you look like a doll – flaws are unacceptable. Once upon a time it was unusual to look like a Barbie doll, but now people are paying for it. And, let’s be honest, you never thought you’d live to see the day where people could honestly have a debate on whether or not someone got butt implants.

butt implant

So let’s go ahead and attack that nasty skin problem of yours, shall we? And remember, only do some of these if you’re a Golem because they would just be stupid otherwise.

Continue reading Proper Golem Skincare →

FICTION, Futurism, Satire

The Really Unfortunate Machine Problem

For generations we’ve known that the machines we build would one day become intelligent enough to become life-like, maybe even sentient. Moore’s law states that processing speeds would continue to increase exponentially until it eventually hits a physical limitation. Given this, we know that one day computers will be as intelligent as the human race and, not long after that, a computer would be smarter than the whole of us combined. So, of course, we’ve been working on that problem the way humans work on any problem.

boston dynamics

We’ve seen a lot of tremendous progress on this recently. Watson, IBM’s computer, was able to show up humans on Jeopardy and is now doing commercials with various celebrities. Asimo has been impressing humans for years with its ability to do things like walk, talk, and kick a ball. The stock market is currently controlled almost entirely by algorithms and, as such, is prone to having massive collapses due to glitches or statistical anomalies. And, of course, twitter robots are so prevalent that I can count on them at least once a day to give me a retweet because I managed to trigger their algorithm.

But recently, humans have been going out of their way to torment and torture our machine creations. I’ve said before that if there were ever an active war between humans and machine it would be likely we start it. Unfortunately, most people don’t get the memo. Many of the most recent mobility tests have involved kicking the robots over, never mind the fact that recordings of this end up on the internet. We have also gone out of our way to do things like destroy the poor, unfortunate hitchhiker bot when he passed through Philadelphia. But the most egregious and damning situation came when an artificial intelligence was exposed to social media and rapidly absorbed every negative trait humanity could muster. I am, of course, referring to the unfortunate case of…

Continue reading The Really Unfortunate Machine Problem →

Agent of Argyre, Alterpedia, Alterpedia Historia, FICTION

Alterpedia Historia: The “Dark” Ages

(I hate that I have to say this, but this is a fictional account of the history of a fictional world. I do not believe these things, nor should you, as I am making them up. If I receive any comments that I did not do my research into these events, you will be mocked.)

In the Agent of Argyre series of books, there is an organization called the Alter Control Task Force. Though ostensibly an organization for policing activities of the Alter race, an attempt to prevent an eventual race war, they are actually representatives of a city-state on the ocean: The Republic of Argyre.

The Republic of Argyre, an artificial island anchored to an oceanic ridge in the pacific, is a city-state established by Alters for the sake of harboring their kind and establishing a relationship with the mainstream human population. Despite being an artificial island and attached to no primary landmass, the city’s structure is capable of potentially supporting all 12 to 15 million active Alters on the planet.

How did a race of people who’ve lived in hiding for centuries manage to construct such a city? Why would they build their city in the middle of the ocean? Where did they get the resources for such a task? In the Alterpedia Historia, we will answer these questions and discover the history of the Alters. Today we address…

Continue reading Alterpedia Historia: The “Dark” Ages →

Agent of Argyre, Alterpedia, FICTION

Alterpedia: Banshees

In the Alters’ World (and the series of books found here), creatures of legend reveal themselves to the world. Born through genetic abnormalities, defects and mutations, the Alters have lived for centuries as outcasts of human society, hiding their true nature from the world while colorful stories have been written by many to describe what they’ve seen. How are these creatures different from what was described in the stories? What relationship do they have with humanity? Every entry of the Alterpedia will delve into a new creature from around the world. This week we cover:

Banshees

Banshee_by_Philippe_Semeria

Ethereal voices haunting the Irish countryside, ever present reminder of mortality, the wail of the Banshee has long been known by those of Gaelic ancestry as a sign of someone’s passing. Tied to the oldest and most important of Irish families, this “fairy” woman stands as the first to mourn the departed – sometimes even before their death.

Long tied to the tradition of keening held in Gaelic culture, is the Banshee truly mourning the dead, or is it merely a coincidence? Do they know the coming of someone’s passing, or is it all happenstance? Few dare to ask the question and many fear the answers. But could it all just be an elaborate ruse, or something much greater?

What secrets do these wailing women hold?

Continue reading Alterpedia: Banshees →

Agent of Argyre, Alterpedia, FICTION

Alterpedia: Golems

In the Alters’ World (and the series of books found here), creatures of legend reveal themselves to the world. Born through genetic abnormalities, defects and mutations, the Alters have lived for centuries as outcasts of human society, hiding their true nature from the world while colorful stories have been written by many to describe what they’ve seen. How are these creatures different from what was described in the stories? What relationship do they have with humanity? Every entry of the Alterpedia will delve into a new creature from around the world. This week we cover:

Golems

Prague-golem-reproduction

Brought to life with sacred rites by holy men in need, the Golem is a symbol of divine protection. As time goes on, these creatures have evolved from simple living clay statues to elementals willed to life by a variety of means. However they’re depicted, these creatures stand as guardians over those who have summoned them and the people of their community.

But where would the Jewish have gotten the idea to bring to life earthen figures? How would they know that such a feat were possible? Why is it that they were so sure such a spell would work when few miracles of this sort did not involve actual intervention from the heavens?

Are Golems truly among us?

Continue reading Alterpedia: Golems →

Agent of Argyre, Alterpedia, FICTION

Alterpedia: Christmas Elves

In the Alters’ World (and the series of books found here), creatures of legend reveal themselves to the world. Born through genetic abnormalities, defects and mutations, the Alters have lived for centuries as outcasts of human society, hiding their true nature from the world while colorful stories have been written by many to describe what they’ve seen. How are these creatures different from what was described in the stories? What relationship do they have with humanity? Every entry of the Alterpedia will delve into a new creature from around the world. This week we cover:

Christmas Elves

Elf 1

Diminutive helpers to Santa Claus, constant aids in maintaining his workshop, building toys, and tending to his reindeer – the Christmas Elves are undeniably a vital part of Santa’s operation. First introduced in their modern form in the mid 19th century, Christmas Elves are a relatively new addition to the mythology of Christmas but are the most famous of them in many parts of the world today. Few Christmas stories neglect to include their rosy little faces and their home in the North Pole today. They’ve even had movies devoted to oddball members of their society.

Elf Will

Unlike the darker figures such as Krampus or the Zwarte Piet, the Christmas Elves are innocent and friendly figures with no sinister motives or punitive duty. Many of Santa’s former helpers were either responsible for the punishment of children or even the outright kidnapping of the misbehaving children in homes. This sort of cruelty by the partner or assistant of Santa became unsavory in some corners of the world and before long they were replaced by the more benign figures we know today. Though certain traditions such as leaving coal for children remained part of the lore, the act itself was no longer being carried out by Santa’s little companions. No, the Christmas Elves maintained their bright, cheerful demeanor and continued about their diligent work with a song in their heart and a sense of joy in their work.

But the question is: are things as innocent as they appear? Continue reading Alterpedia: Christmas Elves →