Category Archives: Satire

Fighting the Influence: Five Signs of Brainwashing

It’s inevitable, as our world becomes more connected through the internet and social media, resulting in easier access to all forms of entertainment at your fingertips, addictions can happen. The threat of Sirens(and their male equivalents like the Nix) controlling your every waking thought has become more real in the modern age. Recent cultural trends have been plagued with the inexplicable rise of people with no apparent talent but an uncanny influence on the minds of their followers.

Checklist for the Aftermath

Saint Patrick’s Day has rolled on through and you just woke up from your blind stupor. That was some party, wasn’t it? You’re dazed, confused and probably wondering just what the hell you did over the last couple of days. First, just to be clear, as of this writing, it is Monday, you blacked out and it’s probably for the best you can’t remember what you did for that day. If you go to church, though, they are going to be judgmental about it next week. As a catholic this is fine since you’re likely to just have to say a few Hail Marys and put up with being nudged a little when it’s your turn with the sacramental wine. But there’s some more important things to consider.

Don’t be ashamed to admit that you’ve had a problem in the past. Obviously, if you’re reading this now with a cup of coffee and no memory of the last 48 hours, you’ve had a bit of a drinking problem. With your tendency to get blitzed to the point of complete blackout, you’ve likely got a record (unless, of course, you work for Wall Street, then you’ve probably been rewarded for your criminal activities during your momentary lapse of consciousness).

So, if you do have a probation, and you probably do, there’s a quick checklist you need to check before you continue on with your day:

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5 Rules of Dating to Avoid Bloodshed

bleeding heart White Red pictures, backgrounds and images

So you’re looking for a date and, if you’re one of those special people I spoke of previously, you might have a bit of anxiety over the chances that your romantic advances may be interpreted as reason to stab you with a sharpened piece of wood. Not that it would do any good, but they’d still try.

So let’s do a quick check on you and your behaviors and make sure that you don’t do anything we could consider… ill-advised, shall we?

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Do’s and Don’ts: Style Tips for Night Owls

It’s taken some time, your lifestyle wasn’t very accepted for a long time. But now everything’s starting to change and it’s time to get your groove on. You’ve been waiting for this opportunity, to get out there, be yourself and find a tasty thing to spend your nights with. There’s just one problem: you look like this.


The pale skin, the bad hair, the clothing being about a century out of fashion – you’ve got some problems. And, even if you’re more accepted in today’s society, those problems at a little hard to get past if you don’t approach it right. You’ve made the decision: it’s time for a makeover.

Let’s try not to screw it up, huh?

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How To Satisfy The Midnight Munchies

It’s late at night, you’ve had a rough day, the neighbors keep giving you crap and you just need to forget your problems. You do what you can to try to block out the rest of the world, but something serious happens. You’ve got the midnight munchies.

What can you possibly do? If you went out to eat what you want you’d probably have the cops on your ass. Surely, there has to be alternatives.

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How To Deal With Your Monthly Transformation In 5 Easy Steps

So you’ve been watching the calendar all month and you’ve looked up to realize that the dreaded day has arrived. You’re already starting to feel it and you know you’ve been a little grumpier and, let’s face it, people are starting to avoid you. It’s time for your monthly visit from the rabid man-eating beast within.

So how do you deal with it? You can’t change who you are, it’s just biology. But you know that whenever you’re really left to your own devices you’re going to go and scalp the nearest mouth-breather to dare offend you. How do you keep yourself from carrying out righteous vigilante justice against the masses during this, the worst time of your month?

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